Painful Pride
by Nobodysaiditwouldbethishard
Summary: Lamia Au. What if the knights were crueller, more physical? What if Gwen needed more protection? What if evrything was harsher, different? Review to decide how the story will continue!
1. Whips and riding crops

**Title: Prideful Pain**

**Summary: The knights are crueller. Gwen needs more protection. The lamia's influence is not so easily forgotten. What if… **

**A/N: Hi. So…, this is the first Merlin fanfiction I'm publishing and I am 100% nervous about it. I realize that I'm like, what, 4 years late? So I don't really expect any reviews or anything, I mainly just want to write something, and have it (maybe? Hopefully?) be read by someone other than my two parents with bachelor degrees in English. I basically wrote this because WHY CAN'T MERLIN GO ALL BAMF! MERLIN IN THIS EPIODE! I mean, the knights don't even say sorry or anything. Well, not really. Finally, just because I need to warn you, if you see the word lama anywhere, it's because of autocorrect on this most stupid of computers, and I mean lamia. Please don't laugh too hard if you see something like that. (E.g.: The lama smirked cruelly, but quickly turned her gaze back to the knights, looking innocently at them while they continuously asked her if she was alright. The lama offered no response.) Anyway, erm, I suppose this is when I should say ENJOY! No! Wait, first, I, and this thought is truly horrendous, do…do… do NOT own merlin! *runs away wailing* (that was a disclaimer, in case you're truly oblivious. Although, you'd have to be, at least, Arthur to Merlin's magic oblivious for that to be true, and now I'm rambling, so, once again, ENJOY!)**

Merlin eyes the knights nervously as I cook dinner, making sure Gwen has enough supplies to care for Elyan. His condition was bad, but stable, for now at least.

"Servant! Where is our supper? And you had better not skimp out on the meat this time!" called an angry Leon.

Gwen got up, and started to protest "but those are _our_ rati-" Merlin cut her off, as the nights had started to stand up.

"I'll see to it right away, sir knights" and, in an added whisper, he said gently but with a pointed stare "Gwen, why don't you go to my pack and get Elyan some more water for his fever". The knights relaxed again, and Merlin let out a relieved breath. He was grateful of Gwen's attempts at help, but if they kept earning him… well, unwanted attention, then he might prefer if she would just keep quiet. Still, he preferred having their attention on him, rather than on her, because that was just, unimaginable.

The food was soon done, and he brought the pot to the awaiting knights. Merlin knew better than to try to save some for himself, as he was so forcefully reminded by the lash on his shoulder, but this was his third night without food in a row, and even his breakfast and lunch were only scavenged berries and old bread. He usually managed to spare some for Gwen, although the knights believed it to be going to Elyan, though he could not consume anything but nutrient-restoring potions.

As he was serving supper, he thought idly _I suppose I could save just a little bit for myself, and tell the Knights it's for Lamia? _Though he realised she would probably see the little left in the pot, in his weakened state he didn't mind too much. So, when he made it to (the, he reminded himself forcefully) Lamia, he managed to spare the littlest bit for himself. Merlin was sure she saw what was left, but as she didn't say anything, he merely told himself he was obviously just paranoid.

Merlin snuck away to the river under the pretense of cleaning the pot, and started devouring the remaining stew like an animal. He heard a loud wail, presumably coming from Lamia, but Merlin thinks nothing of it, assuming she merely "chipped a nail" so to speak. A few moments later, he hears some loud thuds, as though someone, or ones, were heading this way. He quickly put down his bowl, but not quickly enough. All of a sudden, he hears the hiss of steel on metal, and feels the cool snake of a sword hit his necks.

"Stand up, you scum!" said an angered knight, and, when that didn't seem to happen quickly enough, a large hand, most likely Percival's, wrapped itself around his slim neck, squeezing the air right out of him.

He was turned around to face two leering faces; Gwaine's holding a look of disgust, while Leon looked more loathing. Over their shoulders, he saw a smirking Lamia. Percival was, presumably, behind him.

"So, you little wretch" spat out a contempt-filled Gwaine "you tried to steal food from Lamia. _You_, no more than an arrgant servant hwo thinks he can play with the knights, tried to hold back _essential nourishment_ from _my _Lamia, the most perfect creature ever to walk the earth?"

"n-n-no!" stuttered out a choking Merlin, black dots dancing across his vision. He saw Gwen come over towards the river, and quickly shook his head. She seemed to get the message, and, with a look of regret, walked away.

"So you expect us to believe the word of a _servant _over that of a lady?" sneered a raging Leon "King Arthur only lets you get away with such insolence because he knows none else. Perhaps we should help to _instruct _his servant for him? I'm sure the King will thank us for it"

A riding crop was procured, and Merlin dropped like a sack of potatoes. The braided leather bit into his skin, again, and again, and _again_. Soon, a second, and much less gentle, whip, was taken out, and all Merlin could feel was pain. There was blood everywhere, but Merlin had stopped feeling, his nerves leaving him like his sight. He knew the knights were yelling, but what, exactly, he was not sure.

Fortunately, he soon fell into oblivion, his last sight the knight's pride filled faces, and the Lamia's joyful smile.

**There you go! First chapter! This is my promise: I will never just leave, disappear without a trace, with an unfinished story. But I ****_can, _****and will, make you wait and wait and wait, but only if I'm feeling particularly cruel! Yes, I warn you now, I'm crazy! Don't worry, though, I like updating, and writing, so… unless you annoy me, good luck! ;) Please review!**

**-Coldplayfan**


	2. Protection, but at what cost

***grins*grins**grins**grins*grins**grins**grins*grins**grins**grins** *grins**grins*grins**grins**grins*grins**grins**grins*grins**grins****

***LAUGHS MANIACALLY (if that's a word?)**bows***

**Okay. Wow. Just… wow. I ACTUALLY GOT A REVIEW! SIX, IN FACT! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, and yes, I am sadistic, but I ****_can_**** be nice, right? RIGHT? Once again, thank you:**

Gingerwolf96: First ever review! And I'm looking forward to writing the rest!

MerlinMorgana1579: Like I said before, yes I'm just the teensiest bit sadistic, but who isn't? *grins**grins**grins*

Alanna Dean Winchester: I don't know where the Alanna in your name comes from, but if it comes from the Song of the Lioness quartet, then YES. If not, then YES! As I might have indicated, I love your pseudonym, and your review! Thanks!

DwaejiTokki: I agree that this episode could have turned out _much_ worse, but who doesn't want to change, even their favorite thing, just a little bit?

GraceLilly: Me too! I'm not entirely sure how this is going to turn out, but I hope it meets your standards, and evades your expectations!

zendog: Wonderfully nasty? Hmm… probably my favorite description of their behaviour! Thanks for your interest (if that even makes sense?)!

**I literally spent all day smiling like an idiot because of you. I think my smile even rivaled MERLIN'S! I'm just incredibly happy right now. At the moment, I'm procrastinating doing my wordly (play on worldly, but not a real word, so… for an English grammar book, not the best choice.) wise, and I can think of nothing better to procrastinate with.**

**AMUSE YOURSELF! (I don't want to always say enjoy, so I'm trying a few things out.)**

Gwen was still sitting by Elyan when the knights came back. None of them had bruises on their knuckles or scuffs on their shoes, so she assumed, well, hoped, that maybe Merlin had been spared a beating. That hope was soon dashed when she caught sight of the riding crop and whip, both bloodied and torn. She stood up to run to her obviously injured fried, but was stopped by a large hand on her forearm and a low growl.

"I wouldn't if I were you" Percival said, his teeth bared.

"But he's hurt!" she cried, "He's your _friend!_" she pleaded, though she knew the answer would not be one she liked.

The hand tightened, and Gwen let out a whimper of pain, knowing the spot would bruise. "I could never be friends with such filth" he spat out the word, the word that should never, _never_ be used to describe Merlin. "And that wasn't a request".

Gwen sat down, all hope she had ever had in their situation gone, for she had seen the look of hatred in Percival's eyes, and the pride in his actions was clear. Gwen felt she might be sick.

Merlin had regained consciousness almost as soon as the knights had left, most likely due to his magic. He forced his magic back down, knowing that if _any_ of his cuts were healed, the knights would be suspicious. Merlin's magic, though, was not one to be denied, and, by the time he had gotten it under control, he had thrown up twice. He rolled over, and simply lay there, completely exhausted. He sat up just in time to hear a loud, telltale "I could never be friends with such filth" coming from someone who sounded quite a bit like a certain large, muscled knight. Merlin had the urge to be sick; _again_.

Merlin quickly dragged/crawled to the river, and completely immersed his body, not even bothering with taking off his clothes. He couldn't really move his shoulder, anyway. As he sunk down so only his head and neck were showing, He realized that he was struggling to breathe. _Damn_ he thought, knowing how much damage Percival's hands might have inflicted.

By the time he got back to Gwen, he was shivering, still bleeding, and numb. He supposed that at least this way it wouldn't be quite so painful. Gwen, a dutiful friend, had stayed up late to clean his wounds, even though it was long past the time when the knights, and she, usually went to bed.

"Thanks" was all he managed before slipping into a nightmare-filled sleep.

The next time there was trouble, a day had gone by without conflict, and Merlin's wounds had all but closed, a fact not helped by the infection that had undoubtedly set in, for lack of bandages. Well, for lack of bandages that the knights would let him us. That is to say, all his wounds were uncovered, his tattered shirt not helping matters.

The trouble began with, as all trouble nowadays seemed to, Lamia. They were riding, and Gwen simply questioned her

"So where do you come from?"

(The, _the, _Merlin knew he must remember) Lamia started wailing, shrieking even, as if she had just been horribly insulted. The knights jumped off their horses, and were by her side immediately. Gwaine walked up to Gwen, stopped but still seated atop her mount, and he pushed off out of the saddle, to the ground where she fell, hitting her head on a trunk on the way down.

Merlin jumped off of his own mount, and was by her side in an instant, blocking her subtly shifting form from the advancing knights.

"Hey there fellas, you don't _really _want to do this, do you. I mean, she is you're future queen."

When that did nothing to stop them, he ran up to Lamia, ad, knowing he would regret it, he slapped her. _Hard. _The knights all turned around, shocked, but their astonishment soon turned to anger, and they started advancing on him menacingly. _Ok. Don't panic. It's for Gwen. _And, when that didn't calm him down, he started backing up.

Now, we all know that Merlin doesn't have the best of Luck. But this really takes the cake. As he stumbled back, he, and isn't this just delightful, tripped.

That was when his thought range changed. _Panic. Panic! PANIC! _That was his last thought before the first hit came.

**Guess what? I just figured out that because Gwen is the daughter of a blacksmith, her last name would be… SMITH! And ****_that_**** is MY last name! So, I make this chapter in honor of all the smiths out there! **

**-Notablacksmithsmith**

**Review please!**


	3. Defeat and Discovery

**So… this is rather awkward. I have absolutely no way to show my impossible amounts of WOAH! I got ****_that many_**** reviews. ****_I _****got that many reviews! WOOWOO! This was almost as shocking as the news that my house, Sheldon, is winning in house points! In fact, it was more so. Anyway, to those who followed and reviewed THANK YOU! **

**Enjoy!**

**NO! WAIT! This chappy will be very long, and yes, Arthur shows up. I only recently realized how ****_much_**** you have to write. Whew. More than a thousand words though, promise!**

**Response to some reviews: **

**DwaejiTokki and MerlinMorgana1579: Yeah, I guess. ****L****. Oh well. I love your *pointed stare at MM#x4* pity towards Merlin. Thanks for the info on it, and I agree with what you both said. THANKS!**

**AlannaDeanWinchester: If you're characters come do that, I will have no choice but to infiltrate one of ****_your_**** stories. So watch out!**

**FictionFreak16: Yep. I am a fellow clumsy-mump, and I can tell you this, YOU ALWAYS FALL AT THE WORST TIME! I once tripped over the microphone in front of my ****_entire_**** high school, and brought down a computer, projector, and teacher with me! Huh, what can a 12 year old do, right?**

**AND THANK YOU TO ALL THE OTHERS BUT I WANT TO START THE STORY NOW SO BYE!**

_Ow. _A simple thought, considering there were boots kicking him fists flying, and spit… erm… spitting? _Ow: _ the only thought running through his head. Well, except for: _god, Percival's strong. _And then someone's steel toed boot hit hard, very hard, on his chest, and his world exploded on pain.

This had been going on for almost ten minutes, though to Merlin it felt like hours. The Lamia had left almost immediately after, and the knights had ordered Gwen away, to care for Lamia, though Merlin could barely hear it over the loud THUMP of his heart and the sound of his ragged breath, mixed in with the screams of pain, which had soon become whimpers, illicited by the harsh feel of fists and boots upon his frail body.

A voice above him said "I think we found something, boys!" and the pain exploded once again. Merlin thought he might faint from the lack of pain. He gasped, but found he couldn't draw breath. He desperately tried to suck air into his seemingly closed off lungs, but in vain. He realized that Percival's previous "ministering's" to his throat couldn't be helping. That was his last thought before he felt someone pulling him up by his arm, and after a flinch-worthy _cccrrraacccckkkk_, his thought train went more like:

_Owowowowowowowowowowow! It hurts. It hurts! IT HURTS! Broken. Pain. Bad. Ow. Hurts. Gwen. _

And finally: _Freya?_

The world closed off into darkness.

Arthur was following Gwen's trail of fabric, and was growing more and more impatient and worried. He was worried, obviously, over what had happened to his knights and Gwen. And Merlin, he supposes. As for why he was impatient, well…

"Arthur we should really he-"

**"**Uncle! We are _not _turning back, understood! We have already discussed this!"

Oh, yes, they had discussed it; many, _many_ times. He just wanted to find his Knights. Gaius had explained a bit about the Lamia, and he worried over what might happen to his knights with such a _horrible _beast!

As he pondered over his Uncle's near glee at the thought of leaving his knights on their own, he came across another one of Gwen's "clues". Only this one was different. He had barely glanced at it before he urged his horse on, galloping away, and called over his shoulder:

"Move, Now! We are finding my men TODAY!"

The scrap had blood on it.

Gwen was crying as she waited for Gwaine to return from collecting firewood. Elyan was still unconscious, and Merlin…she gulped… well, if she couldn't feel the light beat of his heart through his chest, she would believe him to be dead.

When the knights had returned, looking bloody and _smug_, she knew that something was wrong. And when she found Merlin, she knew that _wrong_ didn't even cover it. Though his shirt had been in attters before,now it merely looked like mud and blood. She supposed that, at this point, that was all there was left of it. She shudders at the thought of his condition. And the knights hadn't even let her treat him right away!

Merlin had been covered in blood, from head to toe. Some of it dribbled down his chin, and she realized he must have coughed it up. Other bits had scabbed over his forehead, and she realized that he must have cut his forehead. The cuts on his back had reopened, coating his shirt in a second layer of blood. But even that hadn't been the bloodiest. No, that had been his shoulder. There was a huge, open, bleeding gash, through which you could see the bone.

The minute Gwen had seen him; she had tried to rush to his side, prepared to start healing immediately. Before Gwen was even halfway there, a large, looming figure in her way. She looked up slowly, and was confronted by the near-red face of an angry Percival. He looked at her, and simply said:

"No"

a word that sent her scampering away immediately.

When she had finally been allowed to work on him, he had already developed a fever; his shoulder and back had become infected, no doubt from the lack of bandages and ointments. She tore up his spare pair of trousers to bind his ribs, though there wasn't much material to use. She threw out his shirt, but soon realized he had nothing to wear, as his other shirt had been torn to shreds in his other… encounter with the knights. She ended up sewing one of her shawls into a sort of jacket that would at least provide some protection from the cold.

Now, in this horrible old castle, Merlin's temperature had only risen, and the infection had set back in. She knew it was partly because, on the occasions that Merlin did wake up from his delirious state, the knights had forced him to walk, and carry almost half the supplies, so that Lamia could have his horse.

Merlin and Elyan were both unconscious when Gwaine left to get firewood, but Merlin soon woke up. They were both awake and alert when they heard a loud yell, and an odd slithering noise.

Arthur arrived at the castle, only to see Gwen standing with a bloody sword over the body of a monstrous snake-creature, Elyan's unconscious form next to her. He started shouting orders at the guards in his entourage to find his knights when he saw a bloody, thin and sickly pale hand poking out from under the horrendous creature.

He rushed to Merlin's side, and immediately started rolling the creature off of him. The sight he was confronted with made him want to scream with rage, cry and retch all at the same time. Merlin's condition was, to say the least, unfavorable.

When the guards came back carrying three unconscious knights with them, he began to wonder exactly _how_ dangerous this creature really was.

Arthur wanted to ride back to the village immediately, but Gaius advised him to at least let them stay the night, for the sky was already beginning to darken. Arthur agreed, though he was reluctant to allow his men, and Merlin, to stay another night in such a horrid place, especially when he knew that Gaius didn't have the proper herbs to treat them.

Gaius informed him of his knights' condition. They were all in some sort of enchanted sleep, though it should wear off within 2 days as of the fact that the enchantress, the lamia, was dead. They're symptoms would resemble that of a concussion, though Gaius wouldn't know anything for certain until they woke up. As for Merlin's condition, Gaius merely gulped and said

"Not good, Sire"

Before walking away. That did nothing to quell Arthur's worries, and, in fact, merely reinforced them. He had seen what Merlin looked like, but only at a quick glance, as he immediately called for Gaius and his guards when he discovered his manservant's injuries. Arthur just wanted to put this entire experience behind him. It seemed, unfortunately, as though that wouldn't be happening anytime soon.

**There you go! I will continue with a weapon's worth, but I'm kind of swamped with homework and science projects right now, so, until March break (only have to finish this week!) there won't be an update. Please review!**

**-MrLaperle'sstudent! ( ;) CHILD!)**


	4. Ponderings of Nobility

**I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY! I haven't had time to update my excuse corner yet, so here it is:**

**I had, and I am being completely honest, 17 tests and projects in one week, my computer was broken (I'm on my mom's right now and hoping to heavens she won't come in) and therefore have technically lost all of my previous work. But, hey, that's okay 'cause MY LIFE SUCKS!**

**Feel free to run after me with torches and pitchforks now. Review with a description of your favorite author torturing device!**

**IJUSTREALISEDLINEBREAKSDON'TACTUALLYSHOWUP!**

Arthur was pacing. He had been, in fact, for several days now. He was in the chief's hut, and was currently alone. His thoughts, as always, were resting on one troublesome manservant. _Why is he so beat up? Surely the Lamia's hands weren't __**that **__big? And why won't he say anything? _Arthur quickly realized his last thought was redundant. Merlin hadn't been in much of a state to talk. To be honest, he hadn't been in much of a state to do anything.

Arthur supposed that the fact that Merlin was sleeping was a good thing, as he knew from Gaius that the boy had suffered nightmares for the first few days, but he couldn't help but feel resentful towards the big-eared idiot, getting the feeling that Merlin's "naps" were a bit too conveniently placed. Really, how many times could Merlin have "coincidentally" fallen asleep just a minute before Arthur arrived? Although, the boy deserved some leniency; He had been pretty banged up.

_After being put onto the small wagon's bed, Gaius (with Arthur in tow) finally had a good chance to see Merlin's injuries, as he had just been washed off with cool river water. __**(A/N: This is about to get gory, guys) **__He had multiple lacerations on his arms and legs, which were oozing a greenish yellow puss. The8ir was a large burn on his cheek, right underneath his eye. His nose had been broken, as had many of his ribs. One of them must have pierced a lung, for Merlin was throwing up blood, along with vomit. Sadly, most of it was stomach acid, clearly showing that Merlin had not been fed properly. He had a black eye and split lip, and was covered in numerous bruises. His back was a mess of tattered skin, some going right up to his neck. There was matted blood in his hair, and a bump the size of a goose egg popping up. That, along with his unfocused eyes, made it clear that the boy had been concussed at least once, if not many, times. Worst of all were his feet. Not only did it look as though someone had taken a dagger to the poor boy's feet, it was also clear that he had lost his boots at some point, forcing him to walk. That certainly struck Arthur as strange, for did Merlin not have a horse? But the rocks and dirt dug deep into his soles told a different story._

Arthur shuddered to remember Merlin's condition when they had found him, and was extremely grateful that the boy had become stable enough to make it back to the village where the plague started. The knight's had woken up the day after they had arrived, but had seemingly forgotten most of what had happened during their time under the Lamia's spell. Leon had reported, looking slightly green at the time, though Arthur had chalked it up to a headache, that the knights were getting flashes. That had been two days ago, and Arthur hadn't gotten any more information out of them. He _had _tried approaching Gwen, really, he had! But the look she gave him whenever she so much as _thought_ he might mention it was enough to send him scampering away, tail between his legs. Arthur knew something was wrong, but he also knew he really, _really _didn't want to deal with it.

**OKAYTHISISTHEKNIGHT'SPOVANDREVIEWIFYOUAGREELEONISLIKEAPUPPY**

_A torch, held next to big, blue eyes. A small, frightened ball curled protectively. Anger, hot and ripe, festering in his belly. Passion, the heat of lust, twisting deep within him. Far, far deeper in his gut: shame._

Gwaine awoke with a start, and promptly threw up.

"Another one, eh buddy?" Spoke a tired Percival, gently rubbing him on the back.

"Yes, another one" Gwaine snarled, "I just wish I knew what they _mean_!" Gwaine spat, then punched the wall, breaking a hole in the thatched enclosement.

"I know Gwaine, we all do" spoke a, strangely aware, Leon. They had all been getting these for the past few days, Elyan less than others. They had rightly assumed that it had to do with the Lamia's enchantment, but had yet to understand what, exactly, had happened during those days.

The flashes were agonizing, more so for the feelings they brought. At first there would be pride, hot and malicious, almost reverent in their actions. Then came the love, _no,_ lust, curling in his stomachs, only fueling his smirks. Finally though, in the dark recesses of his minds, came the shame; the shame and the guilt. He understood none of these emotions, for he had not yet 'flashed" on himself during the acts and Gwaine was not sure he wanted to.

For Percival, all he could feel was blood. Blood on his knuckles, his boots, his, his _horse? _He did not fully understand, but knew that whatever it was, it wasn't good. Percy, too, felt the guilt, but more prominent was this feeling as though he had broken a promise, as though he had done something so utterly _wrong_ with his body, his fists, his _hands_, that he would ever again be unblemished.

For Leon, it was the words. Constantly turning, weaving in and out of his consciousness. Snatches of sentences, malice in each and every word. _Servant boy! Useless! Not a physician! Nothing! Please, stop! We hate you! I thought… friends! Friends! Friends! Nobody would be friends with you! Maggot. Friends, friends, friends, friends…. _ Constantly moving, evading his weak attempts at recollection. That same word, always changing, turning, slipping, sliding. _Friends._ For Leon, the most prominent feeling was regret, and unworthiness. He felt he had failed, failed in some essential duty.

But what duty? What promise? What act? These were the questions running through the knights heads as they sat in their meager beds, listening to the tuneless, joyless chirping of the birds outside, recovering in body, but not in mind.

**ANDNOWFORELYAN'SPOVJUSTTHOUGHTHEWOULDBEINADIFFERENTHUTCAUSEHEISMOREHURT**

Reaching for the sleeping tonic on his bedside table, Elyan pondered the issue of Gwen and Merlin. No one had seen Merlin save Arthur and Gwen, and Gwen seemed very reluctant to discuss him on her visits to see her bedridden brother. Elyan did hope to be able to get up soon, but had been told by Gaius that it would be at least 3 days before he would be completely healed, and at least 2 for him to be able to walk. Pondering these things, Elyan downed the tonic in one gulp.

Elyan was tired. He couldn't sleep, though, for the nightmares. He didn't remember much of their time, and had been told by Gwen he was felled by the Lamia almost a day earlier than the others. But Elyan, unknown to the others, had still been awake, trapped in his own head. And though he could not see, he had heard. Heard the silent whisperings exchanged between servants, heard the near silent hisses of pain.

He was continuously reliving the Lamia's lips, on his, everywhere, shadows, creeping up on h9is very soul; the whispers to help, to protect, and to save this helpless girl. The feeling of being a hero, a _knight_, not just some commoner, to this beautiful girl, was overwhelming. He felt her grasp, reaching for his heart… The potion took effect, and Elyan soon fell into a blissful, dreamless oblivion.

**ANDHERECOMESMYA/N**

**Hey guys disclaimer thing here please review yadayadayadayada. Please don't kill me, Bye!**

**-Canadiansfangohabsgo!**

**PS: READTHISREADITREADITREADIT: Check the line breaks and send me answers if you want the character ( OC ) of your choosing to be put in as a…. VILLAGER! Weapon's worth will be updated, probably soon, not sure, technically on hiatus (I realize many of you aren't reading that fic!)**


	5. Memories of More

**Well….. Heheheheh! Umm…. Enjoy? And don`t kill me?**

**CAMELOTTIMEPEOPLEHEREWEGO!**

Gwen was, by no means, a shy, demure girl. She knew how to stand up for her own rights, and she would always stand up for the rights of those around her. And yet, some of the people she wanted to help the most, refused her help. Namely, one scraggly manservant young servant named Merlin. But he was so much more. He was a friend, a charmer, a joker, a jester, and, strangely enough, a protector. He was always fair, and probably the most selfless person she had ever met. And, the most frustratingly selfless one, too. He refused ANY help, almost as though he thought he didn't deserve it. She had to admit, her husband, her sweet, caring, wonderful, and, frankly, idiotic and oblivious husband wasn't helping matters. One memory in particular popped into her mind…

_Arthur had called a meeting in the great hall, and seemed extremely excited about it, if his message of "Come to the great hall, please Gwen, it's important, you'll love it, please come, please please please? –Arthur" delivered to her by a confused messenger was any hint. She just hoped this wasn't like last time. Gwen shuddered. She would never look at cats the same way again._

_When Gwen finally reached the meeting room, the guards let her in, sporting matching grins and calling out after her to "Let Merlin sit down, give the poor lad's back a break!" Gwen pondered over the curious wording when she entered the room and saw… well, a lot of things. There were all of her close friends, Gwaine looking ridiculously hung-over, surrounded by Percival, Leon, Elyan, Lancelot and a few choice advisors, who, she was happy to note, had always seemed to have the people's best hopes at heart. Of course, there was Arthur, who was, she was sad to notice, with Agravaine. That man was no good, she would bet her life on it. Some people seemed to be missing…oh. _

_There was Merlin, looking, in all uses of the terms, like he had just carried the world on his shoulders. But he was smiling, so Gwen happily assumed he had just completed a hard task. Behind him was Gaius, the mentor clearly asking his honorary son if he was alright. Merlin, suddenly, collapsed onto a… table? _

_A big, round table… Oh! Gwen realized suddenly that it was the one that they had all sat at during Morgana's short reign. Well, that explained Arthur's grin, and Merlin's grin and tiredness. Ah. The grin sitting on Gwen's face slid off suddenly, as a wave of understanding over what the guards had said to her washed over her. He had pulled the table here, presumably almost entirely by himself. Oh god. If this was Arthur's fault, again… Gwen didn't know what she'd do._

_Suddenly, as though he could hear her thinking about him, Arthur turned towards her, and his face, if it was possible, split into an even __**bigger **__smile. _

_"__Ah, now that my beautiful wife has arrived, let's all sit down and get this meeting started!" His unadultered joy shone through, making him seem almost childish in mannerism. "As you can see, each seat has a word in front of it. Please take a seat at the word you think describes you best. As there are about 25 seats, and only thirteen of us, some seats will be left empty." Everyone was congregated to their seats, and Gwen was, instantly, drawn to the one that said kindness on it. As she took her seat, which was, coincidentally, on the right hand side of Arthur, she mentally counted the people in the rooms. Wait! Gwen quickly counted again. There were fourteen of them! But then, who was not joining them. She got her answer, one she did not approve of at all, when Arthur subtly motioned for Merlin to stand behind him. Merlin did, looking momentarily sad, though whether it was because he couldn't sit with them, or merely because he couldn't sit, Gwen did not know. _

_Gwen was about to comment when Arthur brought his hand up, and silence immediately fell upon the party. Arthur snapped his fingers, and Gwen watched, once again disapprovingly, while Merlin slowly stumbled forward to fill Arthur's glass. While she was staring at Merlin, she noticed that the seat on Arthur's left hand side was glaringly empty. Craning her neck to see what word was written there, she could finally make out the jumbled letters. _**More. **_Gwen instantly thought of Merlin. He did seem to be hiding something… something Gwen had a strong inkling about. __**(A/N suggestive eyebrows). **__But it wasn't just that. People always seemed to underestimate Merlin. His pain tolerance, his selflessness, his bravery, and all the loss he had suffered. Gwen had only really seen Merlin once, after another battle with Morgana, before which he had mysteriously disappeared into the forest. After Morgana had left, he had stumbled into her while heading to Gaius. For just a moment, a single fleeting, beautiful moment, Merlin had looked into her eyes and seemed, well, old. There was so much pin. And then the mask was back on. She had never seen him like that again, but those eyes… they would haunt her forever._

_Merlin truly did deserve to sit there. But her thoughts were immediately hushed again, when her husband stated speaking again. _

_"__I would like to know what all of you have chosen. I will begin. Then we will read out the places not chosen." Arthur cleared his throat. _

_"__Courage." Next up was Gwaine. "strength." Then Percival. "Endurance." Lancelot. "Loyalty" Elyan. "Novelty." Leon. "Truth"_

_Soon Came the lords. Lord Elandor "Awareness." Lord Inconther "Clever" Lord Thyte "Beauty" Lord Ovtraverse "Youth." That last one made everyone laugh, as Ovtraverse was one of the oldest advisors, and yet it was very fitting, as his eyes had never lost that shimmer that seemed to dull with age._

_Soon came Agravaine. "Sly." Gwen, Gaius and Merlin all shared a glance, surprised no one else had noticed how… odd that seemed. Then was Gaius. "Wisdom." He announced "and don't forget it!"_

_Finally, it was Gwen's turn. 'Kindness" she announced, a bright smile lighting up her face. _

_They started reading out the other, untouched, seats, and most were unremarkable, but some reminded Gwen of others. _

_"__Innocence, Temper, Justice, Longing…" Faces flitted through Gwen's mind. Morgana, _her_ Morgana. A young boy, a champion, though all odds were stacked against him, Gilli. Her own father and, of course, Uther._

**To be continued. Soon. My mum's kicking me off the comuter! Please Review!**


	6. Memories of More cont

**Okay, let me answer some things. First off, Gwen would know Gilli because of his success in the tourney, as his name was announced when he won. **

**2****nd**** of all, I`m sorry about the wrongness in the timelines, but I literally have not seen Merlin in **

**months (no Netflix :(((((((((((WAAAAAHHH!) and am therefore off on the timelines. I understand now **

**that Gwen was not in fact, his wife the point in time when the memory took place, but I`m going to **

**leave it as is, and bend the time lines a little. After all, this is an AU, right****?**

**This is starting exactly where the last one left off, just to warn you!**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

_Of, course; those weren't the only remarkable ones. As they finished up the circle, she saw everyone glance towards the spot as the word "more" was read. Then, she saw as, steadily, all of the people present at the table who knew Merlin well glanced towards him. All, that is, except Arthur. Gwen realised that her husband could be truly oblivious, sometimes. _

_Gwen was glad to know, though, that it wasn't just her that realised Merlin's true worth. Sometimes she thought that Merlin was more oblivious to how important he was than Arthur. He truly did matter to his friends. Sadly, he was just a servant, though only in rank. Regardless, Gwen made a note to talk to Arthur about getting Merlin a place at the table. Had Arthur himself not made the speech of equality with the original group at the round table? _

_Gwen put the thought to the back of her as Arthur started his speech. _

_The speech lasted a while, going over many of the common subjects, such as how these people were the new main strategic and diplomatic advisors. He recited his equality speech, and explained his hopes for a fair new Camelot. He wanted a just and fair land, where the people were happy. He admitted that his father had made mistakes, but firmly stuck by most of his thoughts. The topic of magic was breached only once, wherein Arthur's words made it clear he agreed with his father, though his face was conflicted and almost showed disgust at his words. All of the people at the table nodded at Arthur's silent plea of 'is it betrayal for me to disagree." They had all had experiences with good magic, and Gwen couldn't help to think this heralded a new age. She beamed, until she saw Merlin's face. As he was facing Arthur's back, he had not seen Arthur's confused expression, and only heard the words, and the gleeful nods that followed. He looked downright sick. Gwen filed away the thought for later._

_Eventually, the meeting came to a close, and Gwen walked towards Arthur, intent on voicing her thoughts on Merlin's place at the table. Merlin, catching her eye, quickly took her hand and led her away. _

_"__Merlin…" Gwen began, before being cut off by Merlin. "Look, Gwen I know what you're thinking. But really, Gwen, I'm just a servant, and it would go against all matters of protocol, and I really haven't done anything to deserve a seat, I mean, not like you and the knights, out there fighting, and besides, which seat would I take, I mean, unless there's one labelled "fool" or "clumsy", which there isn't, none of those work, so I couldn't really sit anyway see?" Gwen's heart was breaking over his self-demeaning words, but what hurt her more was his utter conviction. Merlin, sensing she was going to argue, held up a hand "Look, Gwen, It's Arthur's choice, and he hasn't done anything, so can you just forget about it? Please?" At his pleading look, Gwen begrudgingly nodded. _

_Staring at his retreating back, Gwen realised just how selfless Merlin truly was, and how muc she wished she could be like him._

Yes, Gwen was n shy and meek young girl. But she knew when to let things drop. Right now, though, in the wake of Merlin's injuries. Gwen didn't know what to do. All she knew was that, this tie, she wouldn't let Merlin go through this alone.

**Ok, so, yeah, that was short, but it was an update, right? Ok, so I have some choices I need you to make:**

**Do you want short, steady updates, or long, inconsistent ones? Because I can't do both. It will probably be either 500 word, twice a week updates, or long, once every two weeks updates. Your choice. **

**Ok, secondly:**

** you want me to end this soon, and keep it as close to cannon as possible**

**OR**

**2\. Do you want me to turn this into an entirely other story, probably with a magic reveal**

**OR**

**3\. Do you want me to make an entirely surprising reveal, that will completely change the story-line? Well, not completely, but it will change after they've gotten over the Lamia.**

**CHOOSE WITH REVIEWS!**


	7. Sorry!

p style="text-align: center;"strongOkay, no excuses. This is just a note to say I"M SO SORRY!/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongI should have an update by WEDNESDAY!/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongI want to thank everybody who has favorited, followed or reviewed this, and thank you all so much for the support./strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongThank you Lia, specifically, your note got me motivated to write again. I'm sorry i've been gone for so long, but my wifi crashed then the computer broke/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongI've been in the hospital for the last few days because i gashed my leg (i broke a lamp with my head.. whoops) So i brainstormed, and writing will CONTINUE SOON/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongi love you all, thank you so much/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strong-Blue/strong/p 


	8. Wake Up Call

**The vote is in. I'm doing reveal fic, though some other things might be added too. Wait and see!**

Merlin did not know what to think. They had finally made it back to the castle, and he hadn't seen anyone but Arthur, Gwen and Gaius in ages. Most of the time, it was weird with them. Arthur and Gaius kept giving him these questioning stares, and insisted he did nothing but stay in bed all day. At least Gwen let him get up and walk around a bit, but those sympathetic stares were getting to him. He knew they'd have to have a talk soon, but he didn't know how to go about it. Should he ask for help? Ask her not to tell anyone? He didn't know, and honestly, all this **not** knowing was getting on his nerves.

Just then, Gwen walked in. Taking a deep breath, Merlin made up his mind and was- subsequently interrupted by Arthur storming in shouting something about knights and apologies and disrespect and what did they have to say to _Merl_in anyway? Merlin's breathing sped up, and he saw Gwen's eyes travel to him, and saw that she understood, but was too late as the knights, full armor and all, clomped in, heads bowed, and Gwaine started to speak

(_Flashback)_

_"__How dare you insult Lamia? You think you can equal to us by stating filthy __**lies, **__you worthless servant. You are nothing but a traitor, and an insolent one at that!"_

_Gwen cried out as Merlin was mercilessly backhanded with something hot and brunt and… was that… Fire! He felt tears threaten to overflow as he was his again and again by a burning torch, clothes lighting and dying, but not without scalding him. How could Gwaine do this? He thought he was his friend…_

_(Flashback Over)_

When Merlin woke up, it was to a sleeping Gaius in the chair by his side, and a Gwen wrapped around him. He heard, outside his room, Arthur yelling at the knights

_"__I don't care… upset...nightmares…thrashing and crying out…"_

_"__Sorry…. Don't know why…so so sorry…. Apologized….prat."_

_"__Please… Arthur…. Didn't mean to…accident"_

_"__Make it up to him… ask him…please"_

Unable to make out anymore of the heated, yet shushed argument, Merlin call out hoarsely "let them in" Gwen and Gaius both startled awake and a loud "Quiet" was heard from outside.

"Merlin?"

"Le-let them in" Merlin said, then began to cough viciously. Gaius jumped up to grab him some water as Gwen helped Merlin sit up, then snuggled into the crook of his arm.

The door crooked open slowly, and the knights slowly peeked their heads in.

"Merlin?"

**CLIFFY! I know, I'm cruel. You can review me with your hugs and cookies for updating, or insults and threats for not updating sooner (whoops) anyway, I just thought the idea of Merlin and Gwen snuggling is basically the cutest thing in the whole entire world. No, no romance, because their friendship is , to me, the only innocent thing in this. **

**Okay, that's it for now. I should be updating more regularly now, as things have finally settled in. Also, look for an update to a weapon's worth, as it should be coming within a day or two! Maybe even tonight, if I'm inspired.**

**I'd like to thank all of you who reviewed, whether you guilted me into it, or encouraged me to, I updated because of you. Special thanks to Lia, who got me up, and stuck by me! Love you! (realise I might have said this in the note sorry, I have horrible memory. Still, you da best)**

**So send me cookies! Send me insults! Send me threats, or hugs, and, if you want, Gwen and Merlin scenes of you own!**


	9. Chapter 9:The end or the beginning?

**Wow. Thanks for the hugs and cookies. The peanut butter ones were delicious! And, ummm…. The threats were… motivating?(Good one with the fingernails!) I honestly need motivation, as I tend to... hem hem… procrastinate. Anyway, here it is! **

"Merlin?"

Merlin brought up a weak hand and waved them in. They shuffled in slowly, and made no sudden movements, as though Merlin was a frightened animal. He had an urge to laugh when he realized that was not so far from the truth. His expression was kept sober by the glaring Arthur behind them. He took a few deep breaths as he watched the knights shuffle around a bit, and seem altogether very… shy. The realization clicked, and he cautiously said

"Arthur… do you think you could… um… head out?"

Arthur looked as though he was about to protest, but Gwen quickly took him by the hand and led him out. He let himself be dragged, reluctantly, out of the room, and Merlin heard the door to his room, followed by the door to Gaius' chambers, click shut. Gaius left the room after them, but Merlin could hear him tinkering in the other room. With one obstacle over with, Merlin gathered his courage, looked at the knights, and asked bluntly

"What do you remember?"

After a few seconds of silence, Elyan mumbled out

"enough"

Merlin heaved a sigh, and said, his voice scratchy but steady:

"Alright then. But, before we start, I have something to say. I don't blame you, any of you."

Gwaine nearly erupted at this, but at the hand Percival lay on his shoulder, calmed down. Much to everyone's surprise, It was Percival who then spoke, cutting the roguish knight off before he could get himself riled up again.

"But it is. I promised myself long ago I would never use my strength against someone else, and I have broken that promise, for some crazy… girl?"

"Monster" Elyan said.

"Monster is right", added Merlin, "And that is why I could never blame you. You were under the control of an evil creature, and had no control over your actions. No man would be able to defend themselves from its spell, Knight of the Realm or not."

"But you did! You even warned us that she was bad! If no man could resist it, how did you?"

"I didn't. I don't know why, but she never targeted me at all."

"Alright, fine. Whatever. That doesn't change the fact that we hurt you! We might have killed you!" Gwaine said heatedly.

"But you didn't. I'm not even hurt that badly!"

At this, the knights all gave him incredulous looks.

"Alright, fine. Bad, but not my worst! And anyway, It wasn't you who hurt us!"

Choosing to ignore the first part of the statement, Gwaine responded once again.

"But it was our fists. Our feet. Our faces!"

Elyan added quietly "And we're so, so sorry"

"and I" added Leon

"I'm sorry" said Percival

"I've never been more so" finished Gwaine.

"Then I forgive you."

Silence then reigned in the room, before Leon stepped forward, and said, solemnly

"It takes a stronger man than I to say that. Thank you, Merlin" He then went, and kneeled by his side. The other knights followed in a similar fashion, and Merlin felt tears come to his eyes, as he felt the caring of the knights around him. His scars would fade, as would the nightmares, and the knights would be beside him, for it all.

Everything was looking brighter.

That is, until Arthur crashed in, knocked over a vase, and time stopped.

_Literally_.

**Ok, there! For those of you who don't want the reveal-y parts, end now! **

**PART ONE IS FINISHED**

**Thanks for reading, but for those of you who want to continue, just tell me, would you prefer it continues in this, or a sequel! Thanks!**

**GOODBYE MUFFINCAKES**


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